Monday, 7 February 2011

Good Reflexes

It was jagged you know, that tiny rock you gave me
it ripped a hole in the corner of my coat pocket
and when I held it in my palm, turning it over
and over, to look for colour in amongst the grey
it cut me, a single gash right across my heart line
on reflex, I dropped it, into the quicksand at my feet
and watched as it sank, quickly and without a trace.


Linking this to
One Shot Wednesday
.

34 comments:

Rajesh said...

Could have been love... now lost? Color is at a premium, it is almost always shades of Grey. Good read :)

Old Ollie said...

A brief but full story. Nice!

Susannah said...

Rajesh, good to see you again. I love your comment, very astute. ;-)

Susannah said...

Thanks Old Ollie, good to see you here. :-)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

A reflective poem with layers of meaning.........It says a lot! Good one, Susannah!

Susannah said...

Thanks Sherry. x

Kenia Cris said...

Beautiful! I love each word chosen to go here. Yes, there are layers of meaning here to be revisited and savoured little by little.

Kiss you!

Susannah said...

Thank you Kenia. :-)

Chris G. said...

Sometimes people bring naught but pain, even concealed as it is in the form of a gift...

Vivid picture, great visual/metaphor in the rock and the quicksand. There's a whole story contained in these few lines, and a life lesson to be beheld. Thoughtful and well-writ.

Brian Miller said...

there is more than meets the eyes to this one...must watch the sharp edges of gifts easily given...

signed...bkm said...

Great images and the deeper meaning behind this tiny rock...bkm

Susannah said...

Thanks very much Chris, your words are very true. Thanks for reading. :-)

Susannah said...

Brian, you are right, the sharp edges are not always noticeable! Thanks for visiting. :-)

Susannah said...

Thanks for visiting bkm, it is good to see you. x

nothingprofound said...

Yes, good reflexes. To realize that a love or friendship that can only cause pain is one worth letting go of.

Susannah said...

Nothing Profound, great to see you here, thanks for visiting. :-)

Leslie said...

"it cut me, a single gash right across my heart line"

Nice. I like poems that tell me a story...

Susannah said...

Thanks for visiting Leslie. :-)

Paul Andrew Russell said...

I like the contrasts in this, Susannah. As always, beautiful writing. :-)

Susannah said...

Thanks Paul. :-)

Shashi said...

Dear Susannah
I could see it happenning, just like the gift of life... we get cut, we get the colors in between grey's and then it makes a hole in our bodies... in our soul.. and then sink without a trace.... living us to live another life... and interestingly that is the story of love too... I enjoyed it so much...

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-another-kind-of-valentines-day.html

Susannah said...

Shashi, thank you for your wonderful comment, it is much appreciated. Good to see you here. :-)

itslovelyannie.com said...

Fantastic! A story that reaches beyond the short form...deep, rich, layered, and illustrated with simplicity and clarity...a glimpse into a moment...the tangible, ephemeral and emotional aspects of a moment.

Susannah said...

itslovelyannie,, thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. It is much appreciated. :-)

Elizabeth said...

Love the feel of this one. And the vivid manner in which you ended it. It touches on so many situations and relationships. Really great write,

Elizabeth

Susannah said...

Thank you very much Elizabeth. Good to see you here. x

Alice said...

Pyrrhic victories, Trojan horses, poisoned chalices... Oh, Susannah, I hurt with you and for you with this one. Close to the bone. It has set something swirling in rather sickening motion in my heart, just out of reach. Ouch.
It's perfect.
X

gautami tripathy said...

It actually made so much sense to me...

ransom

Susannah said...

Alice, thank you. x

Good to see you here. :-)

Susannah said...

Thanks Gautami.

Charles said...

Could have been a painful memory.....Now less so. Becoming a distant echo from the past fading into oblivion.

Susannah said...

Charles thanks for stopping by, it is good to see you. :-)

kenny said...

Um, clean, nice!

Susannah said...

Thanks for visiting Kenny. :-)

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