Sunday, 17 July 2011

Watching Them Swim

There. . .
just beneath the surface,
swims a tiny shoal of fear.

I watch them
in the clear glass water.

They are moving as one,
darting this way and that.

Sunlight glinting on their agile bodies.

It is only when they break the mirror like surface,
causing a cascade of spreading ripples,

that I can feel them. . .

like an ice cold trickle of water
down my back bone.


© Susannah Bec 2011

This is the second post here today - please scroll down for - Not Lonely - Just alone. Thanks. x

33 comments:

Laurie Kolp said...

This is absolutely beautiful... especially 'a tiny shoal of fear' 'sunlight glinting' "cascade of spreading ripples'... and the final image!

Mary said...

Oh, I can really FEEL and see this poem. My backbone tingles!

Rajesh said...

Glad that you could see them, some fears swim under muddy waters. The imagery continues to be exquisite. It must have something to do with the beautiful place where you live.

Sweetest in the Gale said...

I loved how you portrayed fears in this poem...I could completely relate to your words. Beautifully done!

Marian said...

ah! yes. mmmmm

Kerry O'Connor said...

Fabulous metaphor - so visual and visceral.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Beautiful, and crystal clear.

Kim Nelson said...

Susannah,
I pondered this piece as both literal and metaphoric. It works brilliantly both ways. Clever use of imagery and suggestion of sensation.

Cynthia said...

A beautiful description of unspecified fear or anxiety below the surface of our consciousness. I love "a tiny shoal of fear."

I too can feel it breaking through the "mirror-like surface" as a "cascade of ripples spreading
ice cold trickles of water
down my back bone." WOW!

dawn said...

Wow... you really captured the feeling of fear. Wonderful!

Philip Thrift said...

A 'chilling' poem, indeed.

Jo Bryant said...

Terrific how you managed to capture the feeling, the imagery is superb.

California Ink in Motion said...

Your words described very well what was going on. Great poem! YES!

K. Kayin W. said...

I like how this poem unfolds too, good job!

Susannah said...

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and comment, much appreciated. :-)

Good to see you. x

Brian Miller said...

mmm...nice...i can feel that bead of cold sweat on my spine...nice imagery in your words...

Pat Hatt said...

Your words bring this poem to life, nicely done!

poemblaze said...

Excellent poem. Wonderful word choice, simple, direct, clear, vivid!

signed...bkm said...

Nicely done...certainly can feel the and smell the water...a wonderful summer read...bkm

laura said...

wow this is fantastic writng, so evokative

renee said...

Your words describe emotions in a whole new light. Beautifully written!

Daydreamertoo said...

Wonderful, filled with pictures of schools of fich darting back and forth arounds someones legs, but, at the same time, ominous.
Deep and, lovely.

Susannah said...

Thanks everyone. :-) I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

Susannah x

poetry-diary.com said...

What a great image - sends a shiver down my spine and yet is so beautiful too. This will stay with me, and maybe even help manage a few (fishy) fears someday.

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Ooh, I could feel it too!

Dave King said...

The poetry and the thought are as clear as the water. The poem has a diamond-like beauty.

Susannah said...

Thanks very much. :-) And a warm welcome to those of you who are visiting for the first time, it is good to see you here. x

Muhammad Israr said...

absolute beauty :)

Brandon said...

I like that you don't really name what is is that's swimming, unless it's fear itself. I picture baracuda. Anyways, I liked this poem a lot, thought the final stanza was a brilliant finish

Buzz and Ophelia said...

Wow, this is gorgeous. You are truely a talented writer :)
I'd really love it if you could check out my blog too - I'm new at this and am just getting started!
pink27blue.blogspot.com.

Susannah said...

Thanks everyone, I appreciate you reading. Good to meey you. :-)

Ostensible Truth said...

ooo what a write! a shoal of fear! rippling - beneath the surface - how apposite! then the break - the feeling - ah - very nice!!

Susannah said...

Thanks very much O.T. :-)

Good to see you here.

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