Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Love All . . .

(Another one written for The Sunday Whirl prompt which gives twelve words weekly for participants to use in a poem. I enjoy these prompts so much as they seem to lead me to create stories that would never have arisen without them. Here's the latest. . . )


The shaft of light was no accident.
The shimmering halo
it cast around your
beautiful head,
was fitting.

We would chat.
Volleys of tumbling words,
batted carefully back and forth
over the cumbersome net
of our politeness.

Occasionally the motion slowed.
We would shift uncomfortably
in our seats, eyes averted.
And you would look outside,
at the faceless passers-by.

Watch them,
strolling from shop to shop.
Arms full of their baggage,
that was always so much
smaller than ours.

A strange silence
would descend over us,
like a great blanket woven
with longing, and all that we
couldn't, shouldn't, say.

Then I would jostle my papers,
move my chair, clutch at straws.
Until, like a great white bird
taking flight in a black sky,
your gaze would return to me.

And the dangerous dance
we were participating in,
would continue. While we
pretended that it really
didn't mean a thing.

20 comments:

Martin (starwatcher521) said...

The most delightful stories play in our minds. Beautifully written : )

Susie Clevenger said...

This is really good...I love your second stanza...how often to we play verbal volleyball with someone...uneasy glances and words. Love it!!

Carrie Burtt said...

You captured the awkwardness of some communication eloquently....
:-)

Susannah said...

Thanks Martin, Susie and Carrie. :-)

It is good to see you. x

Joseph Harker said...

First time dropping by, won't be the last. :) I can't even tell that there's prompted words mixed in, they're seamlessly woven.

Susannah said...

Thank you. It is good to see you here Joseph. :-)

Mary said...

This is excellent. I can't believe I hadn't commented earlier, as I distinctly remember having read it earlier. Sometimes I have trouble with Blogger..that's all I can think of. Yes, those 'dangerous dances.' These kinds of situations are familiar to everyone, I think. You captured the experience well.

madhumakhi said...

You've brought out the awkwardness in the interactions very well. I could really relate to this poem.

gautami tripathy said...

Such a seamless poem...

jumpstart

Laura Maria said...

I absolutely love this!!

Willow said...

I can see the two of you, hear the two of you, and the final stanza powerful ending to the build of tension.

Jim Swindle said...

Before reading Susie Clevenger's comment, I was going to write, "This is really good. I especially like the second stanza." Hmm...I've written it anyway! :-)

Susannah said...

Thanks very much everyone for your kind comments. They are much appreciated. :-)

Good to see you all. x

Ed Pilolla said...

lots of fun. especially enjoyed how you opened and closed this.

Susannah said...

Thanks Ed. :-)

The Old Raven said...

This is a beautiful poem. I enjoyed your use of metaphor very much.

Marinela said...

Wonderfully concise and sensual!

Jinksy said...

A song without words...

Susannah said...

Thanks everyone. Good to see you. x

theundersizedshadow said...

'Volleys of tumbling words' has stuck in my head this long.

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