You poked a hole in my persona
fragile and brittle it disintegrated
into your careless hands and fell
in tattered threads to the floor
in tattered threads to the floor
You swept up the little tiny pieces
with your big hard bristled brush
with your big hard bristled brush
collecting each and every fragment
that had hidden my true identity
I stood there, vulnerable and exposed
I was shining, bare faced and naked
With no mask to shield you from my light
you covered your eyes and looked away
you covered your eyes and looked away
- Susannah Bec 2010
26 comments:
Wow!
boy there is much
in this poem
no blame....only sorrow
then gratitude
Michaela and Suz - thank you. x
I guess it's really hard to bare one's self and be vulnerable to others.
Beautiful words.
Thank you June Butterfly. :-)
Tells a story so wonderfully.. beautiful :)
Thanks so much. :-)
Oh, Susannah, this poem expresses PAIN so well. Gut wrenching ly good.
ugh, i wanted the end to be different.
sigh.
Oh this is absolutely spectacular writing... each line takes a little away from the speaker, stripping the defenses, until it becomes clear who is really defenseless. Just excellent.
Thanks Mary. :-) Good to see you here.
Marian, sorry you didn't like the end - I couldn't imagine a better one. ;-)
Thank you so much Kerry. So glad you 'got' it! ;-)
Good to see you. x
Susannah,
Hurt to the very core......
Strong emotions.
Eileen
A magical, descriptive exploration of disconnection! And great to see that pure light can still turn soiled darkness away!
Hi Eileen, thanks for visiting, it is good to see you. :-)
Greyscale, thank you so much for your perceptive comment. :-)
...And great to see that pure light can still turn soiled darkness away!
Wonderful!
Thank you for visiting, it is good to see you. x
Very powerful. Thank you for sharing what sounds like really tough emotions (I recognise them)!
this is so meaningful to me. I love poems about identity. thrilling.
This is wonderful ... painful ... truthful.
I like it. Identity is such a brilliant raw subject.
He couldn't look at your love and true beauty knowing he unmasked you in his shame.
Thanks very much for your comments, they are much appreciated.
And to those of you that I haven't met before...hello, it is a pleasure to meet you. :-)
Wow, this is powerful, Susannah. Well done!
Oh, yes - let your light shine. :)
Sherry, thank you. :-)
Jinksy, I will/do! :-)
Good to see you both. :-)
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