It was jagged you know, that tiny rock you gave me
it ripped a hole in the corner of my coat pocket
and when I held it in my palm, turning it over
and over, to look for colour in amongst the grey
it cut me, a single gash right across my heart line
on reflex, I dropped it, into the quicksand at my feet
and watched as it sank, quickly and without a trace.
Linking this to One Shot Wednesday
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34 comments:
Could have been love... now lost? Color is at a premium, it is almost always shades of Grey. Good read :)
A brief but full story. Nice!
Rajesh, good to see you again. I love your comment, very astute. ;-)
Thanks Old Ollie, good to see you here. :-)
A reflective poem with layers of meaning.........It says a lot! Good one, Susannah!
Thanks Sherry. x
Beautiful! I love each word chosen to go here. Yes, there are layers of meaning here to be revisited and savoured little by little.
Kiss you!
Thank you Kenia. :-)
Sometimes people bring naught but pain, even concealed as it is in the form of a gift...
Vivid picture, great visual/metaphor in the rock and the quicksand. There's a whole story contained in these few lines, and a life lesson to be beheld. Thoughtful and well-writ.
there is more than meets the eyes to this one...must watch the sharp edges of gifts easily given...
Great images and the deeper meaning behind this tiny rock...bkm
Thanks very much Chris, your words are very true. Thanks for reading. :-)
Brian, you are right, the sharp edges are not always noticeable! Thanks for visiting. :-)
Thanks for visiting bkm, it is good to see you. x
Yes, good reflexes. To realize that a love or friendship that can only cause pain is one worth letting go of.
Nothing Profound, great to see you here, thanks for visiting. :-)
"it cut me, a single gash right across my heart line"
Nice. I like poems that tell me a story...
Thanks for visiting Leslie. :-)
I like the contrasts in this, Susannah. As always, beautiful writing. :-)
Thanks Paul. :-)
Dear Susannah
I could see it happenning, just like the gift of life... we get cut, we get the colors in between grey's and then it makes a hole in our bodies... in our soul.. and then sink without a trace.... living us to live another life... and interestingly that is the story of love too... I enjoyed it so much...
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-another-kind-of-valentines-day.html
Shashi, thank you for your wonderful comment, it is much appreciated. Good to see you here. :-)
Fantastic! A story that reaches beyond the short form...deep, rich, layered, and illustrated with simplicity and clarity...a glimpse into a moment...the tangible, ephemeral and emotional aspects of a moment.
itslovelyannie,, thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. It is much appreciated. :-)
Love the feel of this one. And the vivid manner in which you ended it. It touches on so many situations and relationships. Really great write,
Elizabeth
Thank you very much Elizabeth. Good to see you here. x
Pyrrhic victories, Trojan horses, poisoned chalices... Oh, Susannah, I hurt with you and for you with this one. Close to the bone. It has set something swirling in rather sickening motion in my heart, just out of reach. Ouch.
It's perfect.
X
It actually made so much sense to me...
ransom
Alice, thank you. x
Good to see you here. :-)
Thanks Gautami.
Could have been a painful memory.....Now less so. Becoming a distant echo from the past fading into oblivion.
Charles thanks for stopping by, it is good to see you. :-)
Um, clean, nice!
Thanks for visiting Kenny. :-)
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